


Much Ado About Nothing

by VicenteValtieri



Series: Mnd Fuckery [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, Funny, Humor, M/M, Misunderstanding, affair, rareship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 19:45:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7983883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VicenteValtieri/pseuds/VicenteValtieri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is our favorite power couple embroiled in infidelity? Will they break up? Can Ren finally re-establish his claim on Hux? Will Mitaka save the day?</p><p>Or will they all end up looking like idiots making a fuss over a misunderstanding?</p><p>Let's be honest: It wouldn't be the first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Much Ado About Nothing

Mitaka looked in disbelief at what he’d found. It appeared to be a love letter sent to the General, affectionately referred to as “Mitty” an obvious abbreviation of his first name, from a man named “Beau.” What on earth? Who wrote letters in a solid form these days?

As soon as his mind was done boggling, he read the letter more closely. He knew he shouldn’t pry, but if the General was involved with someone, he needed to know… to protect him, of course.

The letter went as follows:

Mitty,

All is well on the home front. I don’t like you being in harm’s way, but I know there’s no avoiding it.

Curry is most anxious for your return. She asks me where you are every day…

Mitaka’s eyes widened. Was there a child? Had the general fathered a bastard child with this person? He dropped the letter back behind the General’s desk where he had found it, taking a picture just to have proof of it. 

Phasma read through the page carefully. “Oh, shit.”

“Indeed.” Mitaka squeaked, waving his hands in the air. “This is awful! This is a disaster!”

“We could just ask the General who Beau is and be done with it.” Phasma pointed out.

“Ask the General? And admit that I went snooping?” Mitaka’s eyes almost bugged out of his head. “We can’t!”

Phasma sighed. “Then what do you propose we do?”

Mitaka squeaked and paced for several long moments. “Nothing for now. If anyone gets suspicious, we do our utmost to protect the General.”

“We don’t even know who ‘Beau’ is. Why should we be worried about this?” Phasma sighed, tossing the datapad aside.

Mitaka picked up the letter copy again, reading aloud. “My precious darling, if there was a way to keep you safely home, I would, but your jealous commander sees fit to send you into harm’s way.” He set it down, analyzing. “General Hux is second only to Emperor Thrawn. Thrawn sends the General out on this mission, but he is referred here in the third person as a ‘jealous commander.’ Therefore, whoever Beau is, he must not be the Emperor, the General’s lawfully wedded husband, and this letter alone is grounds for divorce!” Mitaka hissed. “We can’t let this happen.”

“It’s the General’s business. We could make everything worse if we interfered.” Phasma warned.

“We won’t do anything without proof that something is about to happen.” Mitaka promised. “And it won’t leave this room.”

But that assessment left out the resident Force-User.

 

Meanwhile, on Naboo, current seat of the Imperial Government.

Pelleaon bent over to retrieve the box as it fell from the Emperor’s desk. To his shock, he found that it was full of love letters to the Emperor, who signed them with a play on his middle name: “Beau,” from someone called “Mitty.”

Mitty? Who was Mitty? Whoever it was, it was clear that he couldn’t allow anyone to find out that the Emperor was apparently involved in an extra-marital affair with them.

As he read one of the letters, a phrase caught his eye: “…the baby is doing well. No doctor’s appointments or accidents from the Human Disaster.”

A baby? Was the Emperor hiding an illegitimate child? Oh, no. Oh, no. After the propaganda storm that the Emperor and the foremost General of the First Order had unleashed about their wedding, reports of an affair by either of them would be used against them. At all costs, this had to be kept secret.

Pelleaon swiped the letters back into the box and put it back on the desk. He would do his utmost to keep his Emperor safe.

 

Ren felt Mitaka’s mind fluttering every time he looked at the General. A quick perusal told him all he needed to know.

He smirked. It might be time to intercept the General’s mail.

 

Slune, cleaning in the Emperor’s bedroom, found letters from Mitty and drafts of love poems for him.

She smirked to herself. Now she just had to find a way for the General to notice these.

 

The challenge came when Hux returned to Naboo for time off.

Pelleaon over-heard Thrawn on the holo-system. “…will meet you for lunch tomorrow at Mikado. I miss you, Mitty. I’ll be glad to see you.”

Pelleaon immediately had a miniature panic attack. Why was Thrawn arranging to meet his mistress when his husband was so close? He had to make sure that Hux never even realized that Thrawn had left the palace. How could he do that? It was so unlike him to take such a risk. Either way, he would come up with something.

 

Mitaka over heard Hux speaking to Beau. “Mikado for lunch sounds wonderful, Beau. I’ve missed you too. How’s Curry and the little Admiral?”

Mitaka’s heart skipped a few beats. How could Hux be arranging to meet his mistress when he was supposed to be visiting his husband? What if Thrawn wanted to have lunch and found out that Hux was at Mikado? He could walk in on them!

There had to be a way to keep the Emperor busy during lunch.

 

Ren ruffled through Mitaka’s thoughts and saw his forming plans. He smirked beneath his helmet. Perfect. He could ensure that the Emperor caught Hux at Mikado with the other man. It would just be a matter of subverting Mitaka’s plan.

 

All Slune had to do was ensure Hux was at Mikado at the prescribed time. Thrawn and his own lover had taken care of the rest.

 

Organa, who had intercepted messages from Hux to “Beau” before was waiting for a chance to strike and an upcoming date at a well-known restaurant was a perfect chance for some negative propaganda against the Empire.

 

Mitaka came up with an emergency that would require the Emperor’s attention easily. He could plant a bug in the office and ensure that it was found before lunch. It would set off a necessary investigation that would require Thrawn to stay at the palace.

It was also a bit risky. He had to plant it himself and make sure no one else found it.

 

Pelleaon came up with an emergency for the General easily. A report of a malfunction in the hyper drives would send him running straight for the Finalizer. He would bounce the report about a bit so that it seemed like a malfunction itself when Hux investigated. 

Still, it would have to be timed carefully.

 

Thrawn smiled at Hux over the holo communicator. “They’re fine.” He stroked the two animals clinging to his shoulders. “They miss you feeding them watermelon, though.”

“I’ll make sure to do it right after our lunch then.” Hux smiled. “Barring disaster.”

“Don’t worry.” Thrawn leaned on his hand and gave him a dreamy look. “I’ll take care of everything on my schedule.”

“I’ll get mine clear. Good night, Beau.”

“Good night, Mitty.”

 

Mitaka activated the search and the bug just before eleven.

Pelleaon sent the message at twelve.

Ren and Slune both moved to intercept their targets soon after.

 

Ren confronted a very miffed Emperor in his stateroom. “Emperor. It is imperative that you accompany me at once.”

“There’s a security sweep going on at the moment, Ren. I need to be available.”

“Trust me when I say that nothing is more important than this at this moment.”

Thrawn gave him a dubious look and turned to the captain of the guard. “Excuse us. I’ll have my communicator if you need me.”

Ren nodded. “Thank you, Emperor. This way.”

 

Slune sent a message to Hux’s datapad using a public channel: It is imperitave that you be at Mikado now.

Hux read the message and a bead of sweat dropped into his collar. Had something happened to Thrawn? Was he needed at Mikado because his husband had been attacked while waiting for him?

The alarm of a malfunction was replaced with alarm at the prospect of the Emperor being harmed with him none the wiser. He boarded the nearest tram and set off.

 

Thrawn became worried as Ren drove him straight to Mikado, the scheduled meeting place for Armitage’s birthday. He laid a hand over his pocket where the gift he had bought was. What if Hux was hurt or in danger?

He turned to Ren. “Has something happened to Armitage? Did you have a vision?”

Ren stared at him beneath the helmet. Somehow, his silence was worse than an answer.

Thrawn opened the speeder door as he spotted Hux coming through the parking lot. 

Ren reached out and closed it. “NO! Listen.” He briefly explained the messages he had overheard and showed Thrawn a love letter to “Beau” that he had intercepted.

Thrawn’s expression became unreadable. “Indeed. So we are here to see who shows up.”

“Indeed.”

 

Hux went inside and spoke to the server. “Reservation for Beauregard?”

“Right this way.” The server showed him to the table.

There was a pile of rough drafts of love poems in Thrawn’s hand waited at his place setting along with a note from “a friend” concerning an apparent affair between Thrawn and “Mitty.”

Hux stared, his face a mask. So this was what it was all about.

 

Mitaka and Pelleaon learned of their failures at roughly the same time. They both made an undignified noise and ran for the nearest transportation, both focused on preventing a train wreck bound to happen.

 

Thrawn and Ren waited for a few minutes before Thrawn got out of the car. “I think that’s long enough.”

They went in and Thrawn turned to the server. “Reservation for Beauregard?”

“Right this way, erm, your highness.” Her face had gone pasty.

Hux was sitting alone at the table. Ren mentally face-palmed.

With a completely serious expression, Thrawn sat across from Hux and handed him the un received letter. “It seems we have something to talk about.”

Hux pushed the pile of letters towards Thrawn. “Indeed. But not in public.”

Mitaka and Gilad burst into the restaurant and spotted Hux and Thrawn together at the table and froze. Turning about, they both left at once.

Ren’s job done, he left them to stew.

 

The cameraman Organa had sent to document the infidelity was dumbfounded. There must have been a mistake. He finished his meal and left, kerfuzzled.

 

Later that evening, they called their seconds and Lord Ren to a meeting.

Thrawn and Hux were sitting on a love seat facing the three men. “Well, it seems that there’s been a bit of a misunderstanding.”

Mitaka and Pelleaon looked down to hide their expressions of horror.

Thrawn gestured to his husband. “This is Mitty: ArMITage Hux.”

The three men all gave a brief start.

“And this is Beau: Thrawn BEAUregard Palpatine.” Hux responded, taking THrawn’s hand.

“It seems that all three of you have found our correspondence in these names and jumped to an unfortunate conclusion. I hope we’ve all learned a lesson.”

Ren, foiled, stomped out.

Pelleaon and Mitaka breathed a deep sigh of relief. “Thank you, sirs.”

Thrawn turned to Hux. “You’re dismissed, gentlemen. Mitty and I have some catching up to do.”


End file.
